GTA IV - A Theory

Having spoken to a few of my friends about GTA IV, I've come to the following theory about how people play GTA games. There are two groups of GTA gamers. There are those who play the game to blow things up, bang hookers, kill people and maybe play the odd mission. Generally they only play the game to mess about and don't play it for too long. For them, GTA games are a pick up and play experience and not much else. The second group are those who play the game to complete it, whether just to complete the main storyline, where they become the involved with the game's plot, or to collect everything and complete it 100%. The former shall hereon in be referred to as Group A; the latter, Group B.

The thing is, I don't think GTA IV is made for the members of Group A and I think Rockstar have done this on purpose. I haven't ever made a videogame, but if I did and I was incredibly proud of what I had done, I wouldn't feel all too great about the fact that a lot of people only play the game to mess about on it, especially if it was a game as big and as detailed as GTA IV, or any other GTA game. Let's face it, a hell of a lot of work has gone into GTA IV. Not only have Rockstar created a massive game world filled to the brim with things to do, but they've also used a completely new engine. Essentially, they've built the game from the ground up instead of reusing the game engine from GTA: San Andreas. So with all this time, money and energy spent on developing this game, you'd be hard-pushed not to feel slightly disappointed that a hell of a lot of people who play the game barely scrape the surface of what it has to offer. Seeing as though roughly 95% of everything in the game is unlockable by completing the missions, it's obvious that those in Group B get a lot more for their money.

So, in my opinion, Rockstar have done certain things to dissuade people from using the game as a mere virtual playground and missing out on that 95% of the game. Don't get me wrong, Rockstar don't want to stop people messing about in GTA IV, they just want people to do the missions as well. The driving is a lot more realistic this time around. Turning corners is a lot harder, as you have to release the accelerator or brake before you turn otherwise you'll career off the road. Hand-brake turns are also a lot harder to do. Contrary to the beliefs of some of my friends, though, they're not impossible, otherwise Rockstar wouldn't have given you the option of using the hand-brake at all. Also, racking up a wanted level is much more punishing to the unwitting player who causes a crime. The LCPD come down a lot harder on you this time around. Get anything above three stars and you're not likely to escape the cops' attentions alive. Again, it's not impossible, but it is harder, especially if you've just started playing the game.

So, the scope for creating havoc in the game and driving like a maniac has been decreased dramatically. You can still do these things, but you have to be a lot better at the game to come out the other side unscathed. How do you get better? Well, you play the missions, don't you? The missions make allowances, such as erasing your wanted level should you complete them, and thusly allowing the gamer to get better at the game through tutorials and by practicing what you'll need to cause the freeform mania you want to.

So, if you're incredibly disappointed with GTA IV because of this, then I urge you to play the game's missions. They are there for a reason. Of course, if you take my advice and go away to complete the game and come back with an unchanged opinion, then I'll accept that. At the moment, though, your opinion, in my opinion, is misinformed.

Poll Results III

Hmm. 2 votes. 2 measly votes and one of them was mine! Oh well. Anyway, thank you Gator from TGN (if it was you) for voting, gawd bless ya.

The new poll should be up … now! So vote, please, it only takes two mouse clicks and it doesn't open up a new window or tab or anything like that, so even if you have the slowest computer in the world, have iTunes running or are downloading things illegally, it shouldn't stress your computer too much.

It's either that or I start taking things literally and claim that gamers all over the world are unanimous in their agreement that GTA IV is awesome, a claim that is, in fact, incredibly believable.

The Legend of Zelda Introspective - Part II

When the original Legend of Zelda was released for the Famicom/NES in 1986, it broke the mold for what an adventure game should be. It had a new and highly innovative bird's eye view perspective, as well as a completely open and massive (for the time) game world to explore at your own wont or whim. You amassed yourself weaponry instead having it all from the start, and you upgraded how much damage you could take before dying by adding to your health bar. It was an incredibly important game for industry as a whole and the Zelda franchise itself, as every Zelda game since has re-used most of the features from that original 22 year-old game.

But has the Zelda formula lost its lustre? Is it time for Nintendo to go back to the drawing board with its next game, set to be released on the Wii, a console with ground-breaking videogame technology? Probably. At least that's what I think. As I said in Part I of this Introspective, it might just have been what Twilight Princess got wrong that makes me feel this way, but I thought it'd be interesting to see what I could come up with if this was indeed the case. Imagine, if you will, that I was tasked with creating the next Zelda game. This is what I'd do:

There are things I'd want to remain constant for the next Zelda, because there's no need to get rid of everything, as I might just as well create an entirely new game. For this game to be a re-imagining of the Zelda series as a whole, the main characters (Link, Zelda and Ganondorf) need to be integral to the plot, otherwise it's not really a Zelda game. Like Ocarina of Time before it, which was a plot reboot (of sorts) for the series, these characters need to appear in all their glory. There's nothing wrong at all with keeping the characters the same, but the gameplay mechanics haven't really changed in 4 games and 10 years. Neither has the formula of the actual game. A Link to the Past, Ocarina of Time, Wind Waker and Twilight Princess all have pretty much the same layout. Three dungeons act as a prologue, of sorts, to the game, before you're then given another 5 or so more dungeons to complete the game.

So what could possibly change? Well, straight away I'm going to go out on a limb here and turn the game upside down by changing the setting. I'd be lying if I wasn't intrigued by this video from Wii.tv. Although it was quite a blatant April Fools, the prospect of playing a futuristic Zelda game had me positively drooling. So, I'm going to steal that idea and run with it. In the video, it says that Link doesn't have a horse, but instead rides a bike named Epona. I'm not too sure if that'd work. I think I'd keep Epona as a horse, as Link riding around a futuristic, metallic, industrial Hyrule on horseback would be an intriguing prospect. Not only that, but I'd keep the bow and arrows and definitely his sword. Not a lightsaber style Master Sword, but the original blue-hilted Master Sword. This, I think, would create quite a cool concept, of this humble and courageous young boy who uses ancient weaponry to fight an industrial evil.

But even if the setting wasn't changed, I'd change a few more things for the next Zelda game. Namely, the structure of the game and how it unfolds. A much less generic structure for a start. Twilight Princess did its part to remedy this somewhat, but in the end, the game was pretty much the same as each Zelda before it; find dungeon, complete dungeon, find next dungeon, complete dungeon, repeat till fade. A simplified version of events from any Zelda game you care to mention. Apart from the aforementioned Majora's Mask, however. You did have the dungeons to find and complete, but what set it apart was the game's world and the people in it. The game had you helping out almost every occupant in Termina in one way or another. Doing this unlocked things for you to use, such as Link's horse, Epona, or a new mask to wear, which gave you special abilities such as a faster running speed or the ability to talk to animals. Without going into too much detail, certain events happened at certain times on certain days, and you could shape how these events transpired. It wouldn't be a complete tragedy if this reappeared in one way or another. Majora's Mask was also quite mature. It still kept a lot of the Zelda humour and whimsy, but some parts of the game were incredibly hard-hitting, especially if you failed your mission to prevent the moon from crashing into Termina, and the music that accompanied the game's main antagonist, the Skull Kid, was genuinely unnerving.

Majora's Mask also gave Link an incredibly cool super-hero type mask if you collected every other mask on offer. The dark power of the Fierce Deity's mask transformed Link into a powerful adult-like version of himself. He could take more damage, deal out more damage and just looked plain awesome. However, the Fierce Deity's mask was incredibly restrictive to use. It could only be used against bosses. I don't think it'd be far from the truth that everyone who managed to play as Fierce Deity Link would love him to reappear in a future Zelda game, in any way, shape or form.

So what have we got at the moment? A new futuristic setting, that, if done properly, could mean a revolution for the series. Square did it with Final Fantasy VII, why can't Zelda? Not only would this reinvigorate the series and make it feel fresh again, like Ocarina of Time, but it might also give the game a wider appeal and therefore a bigger audience, something the Zelda games richly deserve. A less formulaic approach to the plot would also refresh the series, and giving the bit-part players from the games stories of their own, à la Majora's Mask, would expand upon one of the series' high-points (as like I said, there's no need to get rid of everything and there's no harm in taking inspiration from the franchise itself). This would also give the game depth and allow the player to become emotionally involved with the game, something Zelda is famous for, especially since Ocarina of Time. Lastly, the Fierce Deity's mask to be expanded upon, with it's origin's explored and a greater use for it, as it has been criminally under-used (read: not used at all) since it made its debut in Majora's Mask.

Coming up: what other franchises or media could the next Zelda game take inspiration from?

Part I

Ghostbusters The Video Game

Oh, yes! If, like me, you are a child of the 80's (and even if you're not) then you probably love Ghostbusters. The movies, the cartoon series, the toys, everything about it. So late last year, when Sierra announced they were publishing a brand new Ghostbusters video game, I shat myself.

The thing is, though, will it be any good? It looks to be so, what with the cast of the films reuniting to do voice acting along with other such things that are mentioned in the following video. Definitely one to keep that eye on. That floating eye that's behind you! Who you gonna call?

GTA IV First Impressions

I'm not going to spoil anything for you as I've not played it that much, but by God, this game is terrible. Not really, it's awesome and anybody who says otherwise should have their teeth painfully removed via their anus. By the way, I'm sorry I haven't updated for a couple of days, but I've been playing GTA IV a hell of a lot. It sucks your life away from you and you'll love it for it.

Public Enemy once said 'Don't Believe the Hype'. A very roundabout way of saying 'don't get your hopes up'. But prior to the game's release it was very hard to abide by such a rule, as, deep down, we all knew it was going to be awesome. Practically everything works and works well in the game. The driving is fantastic and incredibly satisfying, much more so than in previous GTAs. The shooting system, whilst not being perfect, is very well implemented, incredibly robust and solid and once you've had your first taste of gunnery in the game you'll want more and you'll want it quickly. Melee fighting can be a bit hit and miss (literally), but when you land the counters and take your enemy down, it's incredibly satisfying. The plot is compelling and Niko and Roman (the main characters) are incredibly likeable. You'll want better for them and you'll try to complete the missions so you can see the Bellics get what they want.

I haven't had much chance to play the online multiplayer, but what I have played was rather fun. I'm waiting to finish the main storyline of single-player before I properly sink my teeth into it.

There have been some criticisms of the game, though. I, being the GTA Fanboy that I am, would like to argue those views until I'm red in the face. The following quote is from a user review on Metacritic which is typical of some of the criticisms GTA IV is getting:

"Good gameplay, better than average audio, mediocre graphics. 10/10? No way in hell."

"Good gameplay"? Hmm. Okay. I'll go along with that, for now. Little vague, though.

"Better than average audio"? What does this mean? Playback quality? If so, then it's much better than average, it's near-perfect. If you mean voice-acting, sound effects and things like that, then that's incredibly harsh and you're an idiot.

"Mediocre graphics"? ARE YOU FUCKING MENTAL? A game that loads a whole city on the fly to have graphics like GTA IV has is a fucking stroke of fucking genius you fucking tw@.

I realise we're all entitled to our opinions (hell, I've made a whole blog about mine), but when people's opinions are like this, you have to worry for their mental health. You just have to.

To sum up, then, if you own either a PS3 or Xbox 360 and don't at least own a copy of this game (with the intent to play it, of course) then you're either going to get it soon (which I applaud you for), still haven't received your copy (hang in there buddy, we understand your pain), or are an elitist gamer c*nt who only buys certain types of games because you have an inflated sense of self-worth and thrive on being the under-appreciated gaming scholars who shit on those that you think know less than you. If you are in this third group, then more fool you, sirs and madams, because (judging by little more than 10 hours of gameplay) you're missing out on quite possibly the greatest game ever made.

Oh, and by the way, Euphoria is a Godsend. It is so very, very, very awesome.

Look at This Picture [Update II]

Can't say fairer than that, can you?! It'll probably change soon, but as of 27th of April 2008 at 20:46 (GMT+1) and based on 12 reviews, it's 100/100, 10/10, top marks all round etcetera (at least on the Xbox 360).

[Update] It's now dropped to 99 with another 5 reviews added, but still with none of the reviews dropping below 95, it's an amazing feat. Not long left to go now!

[Update II] Ten more reviews and it's still at 99. I don't know whether to feel relieved because I wanted this game to be this good, or cry because I haven't got it yet.

GTA IV Released!

The countdown clock has gone and GTA IV is now available to purchase, at least in theory, as it's pretty much sold out everywhere, much to my dismay as I haven't got my copy, yet. Play.com said they'd posted my copy on Friday, then sent me an email saying they'd only posted it today.

Oh, well. Shit happens. Still, I bought myself a spanking new and really rather awesome 26", widescreen HD TV last night and am currently playing through my back catalogue of Xbox 360 games and checking out the upgraded pictures. It certainly makes a difference when compared to a 4:3, 21" SD TV. Some of the games are letterboxed when viewed on a non-widescreen TV and sometimes the HUD can be hard to read. So no more squinting when trying to see how much life Urdnot Wrex has left when playing Mass Effect (which looks so much better in HD).

With all this said, Xbox 360 games look good in SD anyway, so an HD TV isn't essential, but it's definitely worth getting one to see the games as they were meant to be seen.

Poll Results II

The second ever results from a poll on GOOF! Woo. Here they are. Everybody who voted owns a Wii, but all of you own at least one of the consoles I put in the poll, which is rather irrelevant seeing as I didn't add a 'None of the above' option and forgot portable consoles like the DS and the PSP (which I don't care about). Pretty much all the relevant info I could get from that poll.

I didn't vote twice this week, so all in all a more successful poll. Make sure to vote in the next poll soon!

GTA IV Prospective - Cancelled

Sorry. I felt that there would be no point, seeing as all the reviews are popping up on your internets thick and fast.

So, instead, read all the reviews, they're from people who have actually played the game, and watch all the videos!

GameTrailers go GTA IV Mental

Fancy watching all the GTA IV goodness you could possibly get in video form? Then head on over to GameTrailers.com and take a gander at all the HD hi-jinks going on. GTA IV video after GTA IV video. It's almost too much to bear. The best thing is that it's all real gameplay footage. Running at real-time, with someone actually playing the game. Even though all of GTA IV's trailers have shown footage of the game running at real-time, this is the first time the actual game has been shown, HUD and all.

I, myself, have decided to not watch these videos, as I'd rather wait for the actual game before I first experience all these delights, but if you're dying to see some real GTA IV gameplay footage, then go for it.

Personally I'm just going to watch the review and leave it at that. Okay, maybe one or two. But definitely not the whole lot …

Euphoria - Coming To a Game Near You

Meet EuphoriaMan (as I've dubbed him). He's awesome. Look at his little eyes. He's the unofficial mascot for Euphoria and appears in their tech-demos to show-off just what Euphoria does. Below is one such tech-demo. Euphoria develops the concept of ragdoll physics by adding natural behaviour patterns to in-game player-characters and non-player-characters (NPCs). Basically, what this means is that when you interact with a Euphoria powered character, they act just like they would in real-life. Beat them about the head and watch, point and laugh as they collapse to the floor holding their bonce. If they fall, they'll try to grab hold of anything near them, including other NPCs, to stop themselves dying. They have self-preservation in spades.

What they also do is react to where about their person they are shot. Shoot them in the arm and they'll drop whatever weapons they're carrying. Shoot them in the leg on a flight of stairs and they'll tumble down just like they would in real-life, trying to stop themselves, but inevitably succumbing to the effects of gravity and a bullet stuck in their femur. None of it is scripted, either, as it uses the CPU dynamically and should therefore make each and every interaction unique.

Brilliantly, the Euphoria engine has been incorporated into GTA IV and will help add that real-life behaviour that creating such a game entails. So, watch the following video and imagine it all occuring within Liberty City, feel your anticipation for the game doubling and then weep because you can't have it for another couple of days. It's also being utilised in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed with seemingly stunning effect.

The question, though, is will Euphoria actually add anything significant to games? It's hard to see why it shouldn't, but what's definite is that it certainly won't detract anything. It also screams of next-gen technology, certainly something not to be scoffed at.

Coming Soon - The Team ICO Retrospective

As brilliant as it is, for those of you who are getting a little sick of GTA, I've decided to go off on a complete tangent from it and get away from all its modern day America, real-world, violence-driven, gun-toting, testosterone-fuelled, car porn, sex-action for my next captivating series of articles.

So, let's go for a fantasy game, let's go for a game without guns, let's go for a game that hasn't sold 70 million units (but should have), let's go for two games, actually, both made by the same developer but not sequels and not franchises. Can you guess what I'm aiming at (because the title and the pictures obviously aren't clues enough)?

Games that could possibly be described as complete polar-opposites to GTA; ICO and Shadow of the Colossus.

So keep watching, peeps, because soon my Team ICO Retrospective will be posted and all shall be right with the world once more.

It also gives me the excuse of playing them again! Yes!

GTA Retrospective V - Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

• Game: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
• Console: PlayStation 2, Xbox, PC
• Developer: Rockstar North
  
• Publisher: Rockstar Games
• Released: 2004

Massive. Huge. Monstrous. Just some of the words used to describe the size of GTA games, they somehow seem redundant when describing just how big GTA: San Andreas is. The game-world is roughly 5 times the size of Vice City's and it seems incredible just thinking about the step-up Rockstar has made from its previous titles to this magnum opus. When comparing the game to its predecessors, it seems silly calling them huge, because if they were huge, then what is San Andreas? 'Supermassive'? I'm not taking about how big the game world is, though, or even how long it takes to complete the main storyline, even though that, in itself, is a huge task. I'm talking about how much content this game provides the player.

When you first play the game, every time you continue the main storyline the game gives you something new to do. The very first mission you're given is to escape from an enemy gang's territory on, for the very first time in a GTA game, a bicycle. Not long after that, you're given a spray-can and are tasked with daubing your gang's tag across the game-world. Keep playing and you'll get the girlfriend mini-game, the burglary mini-game, low-rider racing, low-rider 'dancing' and more. All this in just the first few hours. What's notable is the fact that most of these things are completely new to the GTA series. Every GTA game added its own innovations of some sort, but San Andreas went above and beyond the call of duty in every respect.

GTA: San Andreas has you playing as Carl 'CJ' Johnson. Having seemingly run-away from his home city of Los Santos, Carl returns for his mother's funeral after a phone call from his brother, Sweet, telling him that she was killed in a drive-by shooting. When he returns he is immediately pounced upon by the crooked cop Tenpenny (voiced by none other than Samuel L Jackson), who threatens him by seemingly framing CJ with a cop killing. A cop who was close to outing Tenpenny as corrupt, coincidentally. When he gets home, he finds his former gang in disarray and pledges to help retake the streets of Los Santos for the Grove Street Families, thereby avenging his mother's death. Events conspire against him, though, which leads him to the different parts of the state of San Andreas.

So even though the first part of the game seems to be ripped straight from 'Boyz N The Hood', most of the game takes place far away from this ghetto setting. There's a countryside, replete with country bumpkins and small townships, farms, a mountain, large expanses of land, forests and everything else you'd expect from such a place. Hours can be whiled away exploring or just enjoying the scenery, becoming one with nature (albeit of the digital kind). Then there's the next two cities (San Fierro and Las Venturas) as well as the desert between them, which holds just as much as the countryside.

San Andreas also adds RPG-like elements to the game, but in its own way. Gorge yourself on Chicken Bell or Pizza Shack and you'll get fat. People will comment on your fatness, too. Calling you names and such, which you can respond to. Want to lose that weight? Go running, go swimming and stop eating so damn much. Simple and just like real-life (although at a slightly more accelerated rate). Want to tone up, get some muscles on them bones? Use the weight-lifting machines or dumbbells in the the various gyms dotted through-out San Andreas. You can upgrade your stamina, too, to make CJ run or swim for longer. Every weapon has different levels, making each weapon easier to use and allowing you to strafe the more you use them. Your driving ability gets better as the game progresses too, be it on bicycles, motorbikes or cars. You can also customise CJ by giving him different hairstyles and even more clothing options than Vice City which merely allowed you to wear different suits. You can even give CJ's skin a make-over and tattoo him, whether he likes it or not!

There are murmurings by some that GTA: San Andreas was too big. Can a game be too big? Certainly, if it becomes a chore, but there's something about San Andreas that grabs your attention and keeps you held until you complete the game, at least for your first play-through. As with every iteration of GTA, some of the flaws from previous titles are repaired, such as the aiming-system, which works remarkably well compared to past versions, but some flaws return, like draw distances and pop-up and the game can be incredibly glitchy. Sometimes you can drive through parts of the city that haven't loaded properly, but it's understandable, what with the game having to stream it all off the disc as you play it. The volume of activities in the game more than make up for such piffling issues like that, though.

GTA: San Andreas might give you the impression that it's trying to do too much. There is a hell of a lot in there, but most of it is optional. The racing activities, the gang-territory side-missions and such are there if you want to utilise them but you don't have to if you just want to complete the game. It makes things a little easier if you do these, as it gives you money to replace weaponry should you die (Wasted!) or get arrested (Busted!) and lose your arsenal, but you can still complete the main missions without touching the optional elements of the game. Completionists will have an absolute riot with this game and so will casuals, as it favours different types of gamers, those who jump in for the occasional burst and those who spend hours finding every little thing.

After playing GTA: San Andreas, you're left thinking that this is what Rockstar North imagined the game being, or at least becoming, when they first started work on GTA III. This was what they set out to create the moment they even thought about making a 3D GTA game. San Andreas is incredible. The story is compelling, each of the cities are completely unique, the characters are incredibly well rounded, the voice acting is superb and the game can look absolutely beautiful at times, especially at sunrise or sunset in the countryside. The soundtrack is probably the best yet in a GTA game, defining the setting and era of the game almost perfectly.

This game marks the end of the GTA III era and does it in style. It's still GTA III, but it's been refined and improved. So, the baton is passed to GTA IV. In five or so years will we see GTA IV's San Andreas? Just how big and just how good will it be? For now, though, we've got IV to look forward to, regardless of how many sequels the game could have or how good they could be.

Coming up: The GTA IV Prospective, just in time for the game's release.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

Zero Punctuation Lays into SSBB [Update]

Yahtzee, you large-testicled stallion, what have you gone and done? You've only gone and bashed a much-loved Nintendo game!

But Yahtzee knows what he's done, as the man is a fupping genius. If you've ever held even the slightest contempt for Nintendo fanboys, or at rather a loss as to how or why Nintendo are popular, then take a look at his review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl for the Nintendo Wii. Chances are you'll agree with every word of it. If you are a Nintendo fanboy (in denial or otherwise) then you're pretty much going to disagree with every single thing he says.

However, the former will probably end up laughing their tits off, whilst the latter will probably end up on their favourite forum spewing bile about the man. However, he's quite prepared for it, and could probably give it back, too, inhisowninimitablestyle, no less.

[Update] Not an update about this story, but rather that (should you care) Super Smash Bros. Brawl has finally been given a release date in Europe. That blessed day is the 27th of June, according to the Official Nintendo Magazine UK website.

"So if you had any plans for the final weekend in June you should cancel them now and get ready to play what is set to be one of the finest fighters of the century!"

I can see myself still playing GTA IV, to be honest.

T3h Rezultz R Inn!!!"!!1!

Itz offical! Grnad theft orto FOR iz gonig to b buyed bai evryb0dy! 60% ov peeple r pre-odered, the r3st r guna buy it on relwase dai!! Srsly! Luk @ t3h polll >>! U cna't argyou wit dat!

Maybe not. Despite my first ever poll not being as successful as I had wanted it to be, I have garnered a little bit of information from it: hardly anybody visits my blog. *crying emoticon*

So, thank you to the 3 people other than me (I voted twice) who used the poll, and here's to the next poll which might get a little more action. Push its button, people!!